Admittedly - I play for a great romance over an overly complex plot, but I did enjoy the worldbuilding + grand narrative you're trying to craft here. I thought the first few chapters (esp the orgin bit) were fabulous for really connecting you with the characters, grounding you in the setting, and defining who your MC is. As I went on, however, it felt like those things were lost: The writing felt looser, the transitions abrupt. The biggest thing I just couldn't accept was the progression of Desma's romance; I *Adore* her -- childhood friend who grew up just like MC and can understand her like no one else? Say - less. But over the span of - 10-ish chapters? The 'will they/won't they' devolved into: '...why aren't they having a conversation at this point on their feelings? There's so much time for it?' It felt like MC, despite Desma making it clear she loves (if not at very least cares about) her, never had the option of being brave and just - Going for it. There's less choices for intimacy or flirty moves that show interest. And even if my MC does something that shows - 'Yes, Desma - I choose YOU', it's like an afterthought that's never spoken of again. Then Desma is trying to set people on fire ... what Happened to her? Just her feeling neglected (and again, it felt like the MC should have been able to lock in her romance there) doesn't sell her suddenly being unhinged. I'm all for twists in character development, but I don't see the roots.
It's really a shame this turned out this way as I was really excited at the beginning. I think you have a great story to work with, but I do hope you go back and re-work romance progression more.
Thank you for your feedback and insight! My story is definitely in need of revision, and I was concerned about the pacing, so I appreciate hearing about it from your perspective.
I'll think about where more overt romance options for Desma can be, and how that will shape the trajectory of the rest of the story. (At the risk of spoilers I just want to add that someone acting unhinged out of nowhere in a story with fantasy elements might not be too wild, if you catch my drift.)
You’re absolutely right that in this kind of setting (and let’s not forget the ridiculous amount of trauma that has to come with growing up like Desma did!!), there Absolutely is a case for her acting this way. It could be perfectly plausible she doesn’t know how to express/process all she’s feeling in a healthy manner. It definitely feels like a cry for help. For me, however, it was just the severity and sudden of it. Feeling it came out of nowhere. (Admittedly: was also confused why a badass assassin like Des would need to set a tent on fire in the first place. If she wanted my guy dead, she could have done it quick and clean and melted into the night lol)
I look forward to seeing those reasons~ And I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my fb/glad it helped! I truly do think this IF has amazing bones (again: *Obsessed* with the thought of Desma/my MC) and wish the best for its future. ❤️
Not gonna lie - I'm a little annoyed that we didn't have any weapon until everything went to shit. And by the fact that Sutek didn't die.
Otherwise - very enjoyable experience. +didn't expect a lot of content because it was uploaded recently.
Not sure what to think about Desma, she's like yandere with brother complex and a pain in the ass. I thought that Sefu would bring more problems at first. Σ( ° △°|||)
Didn't try to flirt with Laverna, but chose Nari to teach me how to ride a horse and she's so cuuuute(sad horse too, I'll die for muh boy) .
But my focus is still Sarai, even though I'm not sure if she hates my bold flirt or doesn't want to show that she likes it. <(￣︶￣)>
The cliffhanger thou omggg This was so enjoyable, i was so invested that i felt pain when i reached the end of the demo 🤣 Definitely looking forward to continue playing after the update!
not making either of the twins romanceable was evil 💔 i am so in love with Tamu
i love this sm!! the characters are incredibly charming and seeing fantasy that isnt just medieval europe is so refreshing. love the visuals of Cusmo! ❤️❤️
beautiful writing as well, never skipped a single sentence. will be patiently aching for more of this lovely story
Right! There is a severe lack of games like this that have their own worlds, let alone have such good world building! I also love this mc, typically the mc in games like these lack true depth since they're supposed to be the 'player', but we have true backstory and interesting choices to pick!
This is so good! I read the demo on and off throughout my day and I have experienced the full spectrum of human emotion three times. I was also happy each time a new chapter rolled around and I didn't want it to end. The demo has a generous amount of content. Definitely looking forward to more!
Also... Sutek... Somehow murderous energy does not deter me :^o Like a uh moth to a uh mangy dog :D
I was tempted by Sutek but there's just something about getting close to a character who typically has to put up a front (and who's more fitting than a young king, Aretas). I'm so looking forward to more! (Especially the romance scenes <3)
Truthfully, all the romance options are tempting. I like making Merikh blush like a little schoolgirl hehe. And I have a feeling that Heka is not as innocent as he tries to come across ¬¬. And I agree that Aretas makes a compelling picture of self-control ~oh my~. I am just interested in all the characters, even the non-romancable ones. I will be waiting for more as well!
← Return to game
Comments
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
So. I'm of two minds with this one:
Admittedly - I play for a great romance over an overly complex plot, but I did enjoy the worldbuilding + grand narrative you're trying to craft here. I thought the first few chapters (esp the orgin bit) were fabulous for really connecting you with the characters, grounding you in the setting, and defining who your MC is. As I went on, however, it felt like those things were lost: The writing felt looser, the transitions abrupt. The biggest thing I just couldn't accept was the progression of Desma's romance; I *Adore* her -- childhood friend who grew up just like MC and can understand her like no one else? Say - less. But over the span of - 10-ish chapters? The 'will they/won't they' devolved into: '...why aren't they having a conversation at this point on their feelings? There's so much time for it?' It felt like MC, despite Desma making it clear she loves (if not at very least cares about) her, never had the option of being brave and just - Going for it. There's less choices for intimacy or flirty moves that show interest. And even if my MC does something that shows - 'Yes, Desma - I choose YOU', it's like an afterthought that's never spoken of again. Then Desma is trying to set people on fire ... what Happened to her? Just her feeling neglected (and again, it felt like the MC should have been able to lock in her romance there) doesn't sell her suddenly being unhinged. I'm all for twists in character development, but I don't see the roots.
It's really a shame this turned out this way as I was really excited at the beginning. I think you have a great story to work with, but I do hope you go back and re-work romance progression more.
Thank you for your feedback and insight! My story is definitely in need of revision, and I was concerned about the pacing, so I appreciate hearing about it from your perspective.
I'll think about where more overt romance options for Desma can be, and how that will shape the trajectory of the rest of the story. (At the risk of spoilers I just want to add that someone acting unhinged out of nowhere in a story with fantasy elements might not be too wild, if you catch my drift.)
You’re absolutely right that in this kind of setting (and let’s not forget the ridiculous amount of trauma that has to come with growing up like Desma did!!), there Absolutely is a case for her acting this way. It could be perfectly plausible she doesn’t know how to express/process all she’s feeling in a healthy manner. It definitely feels like a cry for help. For me, however, it was just the severity and sudden of it. Feeling it came out of nowhere. (Admittedly: was also confused why a badass assassin like Des would need to set a tent on fire in the first place. If she wanted my guy dead, she could have done it quick and clean and melted into the night lol)
I look forward to seeing those reasons~ And I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my fb/glad it helped! I truly do think this IF has amazing bones (again: *Obsessed* with the thought of Desma/my MC) and wish the best for its future. ❤️
Loved the update! That cliffhanger! Cannot wait for more!
Not gonna lie - I'm a little annoyed that we didn't have any weapon until everything went to shit. And by the fact that Sutek didn't die.
Otherwise - very enjoyable experience. +didn't expect a lot of content because it was uploaded recently.
Not sure what to think about Desma, she's like yandere with brother complex and a pain in the ass. I thought that Sefu would bring more problems at first. Σ( ° △°|||)
Didn't try to flirt with Laverna, but chose Nari to teach me how to ride a horse and she's so cuuuute(sad horse too, I'll die for muh boy) .
But my focus is still Sarai, even though I'm not sure if she hates my bold flirt or doesn't want to show that she likes it. <(￣︶￣)>
The cliffhanger thou omggg This was so enjoyable, i was so invested that i felt pain when i reached the end of the demo 🤣 Definitely looking forward to continue playing after the update!
I can’t stop giggling about sutek’s name because it means nipple in polish😭
When telling the brother to keep the piece the game has changed get this error...
I saw on the cog forum that the author is already working on a fix!
cool thanks
I LOVEEEE THIS! Eagerly waiting for more <3
not making either of the twins romanceable was evil 💔 i am so in love with Tamu
i love this sm!! the characters are incredibly charming and seeing fantasy that isnt just medieval europe is so refreshing. love the visuals of Cusmo! ❤️❤️
beautiful writing as well, never skipped a single sentence. will be patiently aching for more of this lovely story
Right! There is a severe lack of games like this that have their own worlds, let alone have such good world building! I also love this mc, typically the mc in games like these lack true depth since they're supposed to be the 'player', but we have true backstory and interesting choices to pick!
This is so good! I read the demo on and off throughout my day and I have experienced the full spectrum of human emotion three times. I was also happy each time a new chapter rolled around and I didn't want it to end. The demo has a generous amount of content. Definitely looking forward to more!
Also... Sutek... Somehow murderous energy does not deter me :^o Like a uh moth to a uh mangy dog :D
I was tempted by Sutek but there's just something about getting close to a character who typically has to put up a front (and who's more fitting than a young king, Aretas). I'm so looking forward to more! (Especially the romance scenes <3)
Truthfully, all the romance options are tempting. I like making Merikh blush like a little schoolgirl hehe. And I have a feeling that Heka is not as innocent as he tries to come across ¬¬. And I agree that Aretas makes a compelling picture of self-control ~oh my~.
I am just interested in all the characters, even the non-romancable ones. I will be waiting for more as well!
Wanted to drop in and say that I REALLY liked the scene in the end of the public demo where you play chess with Merikhs brother.